When starting out this year I was cocky, to be quite honest I thought I was like one of the great actors and I don't mean this in a "feel bad for me I am so pitiful," kind of way. I like being honest with people. When I realized I wasn't, I guessed I was shocked, because I was living in my own little bubble of graceland where I am the best at basically everything. Yes, I guess you could say that I didn't really know if I wanted to continue acting ... for all of about 5 seconds. After it dawned on me that you need to work at something practice and practice, I reasured myself that this is what I love to do, even if I suck.
Moving on, working on the acting I liked the cold reads better. For me it is less pressure, no one was given the time to work on it therefore I can't be the only one to do something wrong! When we were given the time to go over the scene analyze, find the objectives and create beats I have a tendency to over think things. Aside from that, Sabrina and myself had gone over the scene at least 10 times and every time it got better and felt more realistic. I started to use my script less for lines, became more aware of my body I actually reacted to the words coming out of her mouth. Next we decided to preform our scene in front of Andrew and Alex - this changed the atmosphere. To me I immediately got much worse than I had previously preformed. My nerves get the best of me, for all I know it could have looked like I had to pee I was pacing so much. I call this NBA, it stands for "No Body Awareness." It surfaces when mentally I am lost, the same happens to me physically.
Then preforming in front of everyone was just like you melted a piece of butter - I dissolved. I couldn't remember what to do or what to start of as disappointed, understanding, angry? Sometimes I just get so nervous and stuck in my own head I am a bad acting robot. After Luke explained to me I could use those to my advantage and saw it in action with Danny. It gives me hope and something to look forward to for tomorrow I guess?
"living in my own little bubble of graceland where I am the best at basically everything"
ReplyDeleteBest sentence ever!
Now, you don't suck. You've got very clear stuff to work on. I know it is hard to be happy about such things, but to KNOW what needs work? I think this is a better state of being than to NOT know what needs work.
There is bravery in being able to turn and face yourself. Bravery is always a hopeful position in which to find one's self.