Honesty post

            Well there’s probably the most interesting thing I realized tonight. I had a sudden epiphany. For those of you who haven't known me my whole life I used to be much different than I am today, I was the awkward tall shy girl in the back of the room. Until I hit about 5thish-6ish grade and started seeing people who maybe were worth looking up to. You know what? Most of the things I do are for other people's benefit and not my own. I also used to be extremely smart. Then about 6th grade people started calling me the blonde, now that people where starting to know who I am and I even had a nickname I let it get to my head, because when I used words no one understood they looked at me strange, I didn't like that and thought badly of it. I honestly started acting dumber then I really was just to keep up my "image," I am not going to lie some of the stupid things I said/did where not on purpose; but everyone has their moments, yes? Eventually my acting was too good and yes I honestly am saying that I am not as smart as I potentially could have been. I mean I don't mind the occasional comment and people making fun of me if I do something "blonde." It doesn't really bother me; the scary thing is that I have grown used to it. I am terrible at English and grammar, yes it’s true and when I said abundance wrong during auditions I didn’t care because hey it was a mistake and it could’ve been anyone, it’s not like I did it on purpose to draw attention to myself. I am also a total hypocrite, I do things I am really don’t want because I want to befriend someone and I mean spend like 150 dollars to do something I might only am excited about 30% just because I want to keep them as a friend, but hey if they want to be my friend won’t they just accept me for me? DUH. Well I am sick of pretending, not saying that my whole personality is a lie because it isn’t but from now on if you say to me do you watch _________ I AM TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH THAT SHOW. I am going to say no not really; I think it’s quite terrible.



            Recently, I have also learned people who are in my grade think I’m a bitch. I guess they have good cause to think so, god knows I do act like a bitch in a diaper sometimes, complaining about every little thing all the time. It is also a trait I hate about some people; even though it’s definitely a known characteristic about myself.



            Everything I do is usually for someone else, never for me. I declined a ride home from school from a friend just to prove to my dad I could walk all the way home without getting hit by a car. I am honestly done with pleasing others, from now on everything is going to be for my own benefit and not for the purpose of others. I am going to apply myself to my school work/STAC work 110% before anything else. I am not going to let petty people control my life, not now not ever.