Monday, January 21, 2013
Lost
I am lost. I am not motivated. I am confused. Last year when I joined STAC I wanted to be an actor when I grew up. A lot can happen in a year and whatever happened to me has made me very different. I now don't look foward to the exciting things in STAC anymore or the workshops or anything for that matter. I am unmotivated to work. I do not enjoy singing anymore, even though it was not something I worked on improving in STAC, I don't like to do it anymore. Sing? Yes, I do enjoy to sing when I am home alone but for myself, and not for others. I don't love to act anymore. It's something that scares me because it leaves me with no planned out future or passion. My identity is changing and I am unaware of what to do or where I'll go, or for that matter who I am anymore. To myself I dont know who I am. I am trying to find myself again and it's hard. I guess some could say I am going through a phase, but to me it seems to be permanent. I don't like that I am falling away from the arts, because even if that were to happen, no other passion has replaced it. With the new assignment given to us I decided to do fashion photography, but I am not sure its something I am going to enjoy. But whats the point of art if you aren't enjoying what you're doing?
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It is ok to be lost a bit, especially at your age, and to wonder about things. And it is ok to fall away from the arts and discover yourself in different places. THese things happen. I'm bothered that what we do in STAC doesn't excite you - that isn't how it should be.
ReplyDeleteLet me ask this: what does excite you?
I've been where you currently are countless times. I know being lost sucks and not having a direction in life hurts like hell, but you will figure something out. Heck I didn't know what I was doing with my life until a few months ago, but I got through it.
ReplyDeleteMy advice is just to try new things and not tie yourself down or classify yourself as a particular kind of artist. If I decided to stick to drawing my junior year even though I hated it so very much at the time, I would have never found my love for backstage work. This is your time to experiment and figure out what fits you best. Take it one day at a time and keep an open mind, trust me,