I am at the moment going through a blah phase. I don't know why. I can't motivate myself to do anything. Not grades, sports, making YouTube videos, or even the arts. I was suppose to have all the definitions and such for lighting equipment memorized and blogged about but I haven't even looked up a single word yet. Even though I could possibly have my ass handed to me for this incompleteness. The only thing I can do is watch TV, and for that matter, just this weekend I must have seen 5 episodes of Grey's Anatomy, Inception, and 10 episodes of The Walking Dead. It's 11:45 PM and I haven't even started any of my other homework yet, and truthfully I cannot be bothered. I want something to motivate me, something to work hard for, to have a burning passion that I am just itching to fill. Nothing. Empty. That is all I am feeling. I don't know what I am missing yet but I like to watch TV because for however long that episode or show is I am not me anymore and seems to stop. Instead of living my life I am living vicariously through characters on TV. I don't know what to do about it.
On another note:
I was going to put up a blog post on Friday as kind of a review for all of last weeks work we did, but again, in the moment it might be fun but as soon as I leave the room, I leave empty with no drive to do it or talk about it. Photography with Danny and Lisa was interesting but I just don't know what to do about the passion part of the arts, because it is slowly slipping away. Improv again was fun when I was doing it, but then as soon as I got home I could care less, and I don't like it.
What do your parents think? Has this been affecting your grades? It sounds like you are depressed.
ReplyDeleteAfter rereading this post, I realized because it is just words and not me speaking makes it seem worse than it is. All that I am now saying is I don't know who I am anymore and what excites me or what I have a passion for no longer has a focus. I am not depressed, but more lost in my own head.
ReplyDelete